


Nearly Team

by SaltwaterJanuary



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Dysfunctional Relationships, Gen, Guns, Rescue Missions, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25535491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltwaterJanuary/pseuds/SaltwaterJanuary
Summary: They may be dysfunctional, but they're the closest they'll ever be to team standards. Oneshot.
Kudos: 8





	Nearly Team

_Nearly Team_

"And the bombs went off like a light show. If you've ever seen a light show. I mean, a bright one. It was like Christmas lights- exploding. Did you see it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I saw it. Shut up." Nack was too focused on his path ahead to care for any of the obvious occurrences of the day. Much too focused.

"Good. It'd be a shame to have missed it. And you'd be blind. Because it was bright!"

The silent polar bear behind them motioned for Bean to quiet down, but he took no notice of this.

"Actually, I'm surprised I'm not blind right now. Ha! Figures. I've never seen a duck with glasses. Wait, I am a duck right? Wait, I thought I was a dynamite!"

Nack rolled his eyes and slumped his shoulders at the other's babble. The only thing currently on his mind was getting to that house and polishing up the Marvelous Queen. That would be a lot more rewarding then listening to his supposed 'partner' talk all day. Sometimes he wished that Bean would just go mute like Bark. Sometimes his violent thoughts kicked in and he thought of shoving his pistol in the bird's beak and forcing him to go mute. Ha, that would be much better then-

Abruptly, the sounds of shooting resounded around behind them, and instantly the three of them took off running.

They all knew very well what the sound was and what it meant.

"Why didn't anyone warn me that we were being followed by them?!" Nack shouted.

Bark shrugged and did his best to motion that hey, he had tried. Neither Bean or Nack noticed this.

"Gee, does that mean we may get ANOTHER explosion?" Bean exclaimed.

"I hope it's over your head, loud mouth!"

"I hope so too! Imagine the view."

Nack tuned him out and continued to try to outrun their pursuers. It didn't matter to him whether or not Bean and Bark followed. He turned around one of the trees of the forest path, trying to get lost in sight. Maybe a little zagging would help somehow.

Bean and Bark, meanwhile, were nowhere to be seen. Apparently they were better at hiding then he expected. Or dead. He snickered at that thought.

"Alright, hands up!"

It was then that his pursuers- GUN- had caught him off his guard. However that was possible.

"How about your hands up?" He aimed a pistol at one of the soldiers' foreheads. They in turn aimed one at his. In fact, he had quite a few pistols aimed at his head.

"If you bet that one of us won't outshoot you," one of them snarled.

Nack knew his odds quite well. For once, he was stumped. "Hrrf." He lowered his own, and like that the soldiers came over him and put his hands behind his back.

"Are you going to come easily?"

"I can't say _easily_ …" His head was pushed down into his chest.

"Nonetheless."

Because of their human height advantage, they were able to lift him with little effort. He definitely wouldn't be taken _easily_ \- he fought it the entire time- but they would get him there. And he knew he would be in trouble.

To think that earlier life was much simpler.

* * *

"Where ya think he went?"

Bark motioned to a direction to their north, fortunate he had been paying attention. Very.

"Oh, alrighty! It must be right. But don't polar bears always go north? Aren't you a bit biased? Maybe we should go-"

Bark put a hand on his partner's mouth, letting him know that he was certain in the one motion.

"Ok then."

The two of them began to go north together, ignoring the foresty scenery for Bean's speech.

Sometimes Bean felt like Bark was the only one who cared to listen to him. It worked too, since Bean spoke enough for the both of them.

"Bark, do you think that I'm a dynamite or a duck? Nod once for dynamite and twice for duck."

Bark nodded three times.

"Oh. So I'm a dynamite duck? Cool! I always wanted to be one."

Bark nodded solemnly. He knew it all along.

* * *

"Alright, so you caused that explosion at our west headquarters, correct?"

Nack coughed at them. "No. No, I did not."

"Is that so?" The soldier questioned. Nack disliked the way that he showed off a sadistic smile as if it were a badge. Of course, he knew that it _was_ just for show.

"Yes."

"Then who did? You must have a doppelganger then, because our cameras caught it clear as day. You really thought you could hide it?"

"But it wasn't me. It was my partners in crime who _really_ caused it. See, I didn't lie." He smiled at the soldier, displaying his fangs with pride. And they _weren't_ for show.

"You think you're clever. That cleverness isn't going to help you here, Sniper."

"So be it."

The soldier paced the floor in front of his chair fervently. It was a classic thing to do, and Nack was all too used to it.

"Where are they?"

"Out in the forest. You left them behind, and they were more obvious than me."

"You were our main threat. It didn't matter."

"It might later." Nack rolled his eyes.

"You're on my patience, and I'm not afraid to use violence."

"Oh, am I? Well, I'm not afraid of that. Try all you want."

The soldier pointed his small, but poignant knife at the other's forehead, barely grazing the fur.

"Who hired you?"

"As a good mercenary, I shouldn't tell. But I know you won't do anything with that knife. Admit it. If you did, what information would you get from me? You said cleverness wouldn't help me here, but you lie worse than I do."

The soldier was vexed at his words. His arrogance getting a hold, he almost wanted to end interrogation and drive the knife through the weasel. He wasn't getting paid for that, though.

He still didn't see why they didn't just kill the thing in the first place. Nack had caused trouble before. Why not end it?

"If you won't tell who, at least tell me the orders."

"Destroy the west headquarters. Simple. We chose the easiest route, and accomplished the mission."

"There were no specific individuals or areas?"

"No. Of course not."

The soldier growled. How was he supposed to know how much was the truth? How was he to know any real information?

"I really can use this weapon. I have permission to harm. It's only the killing I can't do. Which is fine by me." He trailed the knife across the other's head, not to the point of cutting skin yet.

Nack laughed. "Go. Ahead."

There was a noise like an explosion. All too familiar.

The soldier fell over in shock, and Bean appeared in the door. "Hey! Bark was right!"

"Untie me," Nack ordered.

Bean did so, Bark entering the room behind him as he did so.

"Good job, Bark."

Bark nodded his thanks.

"What about me?"

"Get me out of here. By the way, what did you do with the guards?"

"Bark knocked them out," the ropes fell off as he replied. Bean smiled proudly at his work.

"Good. Let's get out of here." Nack stood up, unphased, and made out of the place. Bean and Bark followed.

"Are you alright?"

"Of course. And…so are you," Nack added with disappointment.

"Yep!" Bean ignored the hint of sarcasm in the other's voice.

Bark would have laughed if he could have.


End file.
